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  • Writer's pictureNina

I envied my friends and here is what I did.

It's not pretty, but it's real. We all experience envy - more frequently than we want to admit⁠. Not talking about it, won't make envy go away. It might actually be really helpful to understand what triggers envy for you.⁠


Envy is probably not your favourite topic at the dinner table. To envy someone is nothing we're typically proud of because it's a reflection of our own insecurities. But feeling envy is one of the most widespread emotions - especially in the times of social media. Yet, we don't want to talk about it publicly. Acknowledging that you are envious of someone can help you to uncover unfulfilled needs you might have. 💡⁠

So here's a little challenge: take a pen and paper and write down the following 🤓

1️⃣ What was the last situation when you feel envious?⁠

2️⃣ What exactly did you long for?⁠

3️⃣ Take a step back: What is the bigger unfulfilled need?⁠

A little personal story from me:

I started studying last year and I was so excited. The university was just 20 minutes away from my parents house, so I didn't see the need to move - especially because of everything that was happening with COVID. Moving to a new city would not have made much sense.

However, in the last few months I saw that my friends who had actually moved to the city were having so much fun. They didn't have to worry about how they would get home. They didn't need to drive home by car at night. They didn't have to give up drinking and going out later. I was not sure whether I was financially and mentally ready to move because I would have to pay rent myself. And so there it was, I realized: I envied my friends SO much and I was gradually getting unhappier living at home.

This realization also came with an honest conversation I had with my partner: We spoke about every thought I had about moving out and moving to the city.

But what exactly made me envious? I found out that I actually felt insecure and unhappy because I thought I missed out - missed out on making new friends at uni. I wanted to be able to go out, have fun and hang out with the other students. But living 20 minutes away by car prevented me from doing so. And I had to realize that this was really important to me. So I thought: I can stay envious of my friends who live in the city or I can actually do something about it. This envy made me so unhappy and ungrateful of my own life that I was not able to enjoy my life as it was. Talking to my partner was the first step after this realization and it helped me with my emotions - especially when it comes to envy! 💪The biggest step to challenge your own envy is to self-reflect!

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